Reality got you down? You’re not alone (especially with the impending presidential inauguration creeping closer, crises the globe over mounting and extinction on the rise). While jaunts to tropical locales are always a top choice for eschewing “real” life, without planning and money they are, well, unrealistic. Escapes don’t have to be great to do the job. Actually, the more airheaded the better. Here are seven agreeably insipid ways to forget about what’s going on in the world, if only for a matter of minutes.
1. Put on a lip mask. Who among us doesn’t yearn for fatter, more succulent lips? But Restylane injections are such a to-do, and rather dubious. Enter the sheet mask for your mouth, a beauty product so unnecessary it makes me want to use it. KNC Beauty’s All-Natural Collagen-Infused Lip Mask swears to deliver fuller and more hydrated lips—the latter is easier to believe—with a blend of cherry extract, rose flower oil, vitamin E, hyaluronic acid and vitally, collagen, hence the tingling feeling towards the end. They also recommend you use it for 15-20 minutes two or three times a week, which requires dedication. It costs $25 for a five-pack.
2. Lie on a bed of crystals. A Crystal Light Bed, to be precise. At Kalisa Augustine in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, the namesake founder herself will read your chakras (you have seven, and if they’re all blocked, then apparently you need help), check your hooks (which are energetic ties to people or things) and scan you for cords of attachment. Then you recline for some Crystal Bed Therapy, lying on magnets that encourage circulation and toxin-release. Vogel cut quartz crystals, which sound elegant, as well as various vibrational therapies, are used to “achieve electromagnetic balance.” I don’t know what most of this means, but it sounds great!
3. Wear a dress made of crystals. For her 21st birthday, Kendall Jenner wore a dress as sparkly as it was tiny, reminding everyone who cares of the dress Paris Hilton wore for her own 21st birthday in 2002. Kendall’s was custom-made of Swarovski crystals by Antoine Salameh of LaBourjoisie in collaboration with the model’s stylist, Monica Rose, and is reported to cost about $9,000. While Salameh said the dress was designed to emulate a breezy ʼ20s-era style, it’s clear it was an homage to Paris’ swingy Julien Macdonald sensation. Even Kendall confirmed on Instagram with a party post caption reading, “Vintage Paris Hilton vibes. 21 21.” The point is sparkly stuff is distracting in a good way. If spending ten-grand on a dress isn’t your speed, pick up this sultry pile of sequins from Nasty Gal for the same idea.
4. Get your nipple pierced. Back in the summer, we established all the cool girls are doing it, and we were right. Most recently, Bella Hadid made an appearance as Paper magazine’s “Outspoken” issue cover girl in an editorial gleefully emphasizing her pierced left nipple. There’s nothing like jabbing a barbell through your areola to make you feel like a new woman, or at the very least, perhaps one with a freshly revamped image as subversive as it is tough—for those you let see it, that is. The nipple might be pierced, but as Instagram continues to remind us, it’s not freed just yet.
5. Hit the bottle. From adolescents knocking back Spiked Seltzers (I don’t know if teenagers actually drink it, but keep it in mind as an excellent grocery store alternative to beer!) to dads nursing their Scotch on the rocks, everyone knows getting tipsy or downright drunk will always divert your mind and senses from reality. Dying your hair a completely different color will get you just as amped up, sans hangover. Ultimate style chameleon Rihanna just traded her waist-length dreadlocks (a result of her role in the upcoming all-girl Ocean’s 8 film) for peroxided strands, revealed in her BFF Melissa Forde’s Instagram post. She’s lightened up to golden hues for the time being and maybe so should you.
6. Look out for someone other than number one. To quote Cher Horowitz’s well-intentioned misquote in Clueless: “It’s like that book I read in ninth grade that said, ‘’Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people.’” We’re now in the thick of the season to buy gifts for other people, or procrastinate buying gifts for other people, so in the spirit of giving, go do something nice or at least go shopping for someone other than you. It will feel better than it sounds. If you’re in need of some last-minute inspiration, check out ever-creative Opening Ceremony’s CrazyCozyCool capsule collection turned gift guide. “Crazy” items include a one-on-one session with the “Hollywood Medium,” a spa soak in a tub full of red wine, lunch with Spike Jonze and Jonah Hill, while the “cozy” stuff is appropriately touchable and the “cool” selection offers a healthy mix of the affordable, wearable, exorbitant and avant-garde.
7. Get really high. Bet you hadn’t thought of that one. Take your pick between experiencing Bliss, courtesy of Hmbldt’s precision-perfect dose pen (yes, the slim white tube is a touch phallic, but the product is so good one can overlook the notion it resembles a micro-sized vibrator); enjoying options with Haze Dual V3’s unique dual-chamber vaporizer; keeping it simple and strain-specific with JUJU Joints, also known as the “iPod of vaporizers;” or Sol Selects, “the cleanest oil on the market right now.”