The Culturalist

Dear Culturalist: Does Cannabis Lube Work?

By Onya Ganja

Dear Culturalist: Does Cannabis Lube Work?

Dear Culturalist,
I’ve heard a lot of people talking about cannabis lubricants. Do they really live up to the hype?

There’s no way for me to know exactly what kind of weed-lubricant hype you’ve been exposed to, so I’ll assume you’re referring to the promotional columns found on a plethora of media outlets over the past year or so. I can remember someone trying to tell me cannabis lubricant could lead to 10-minute-long female orgasms. Ya right. Maybe if the lube comes with a beatboxer who is both a pro and champ at going down. 

I would not recommend totally buying any hype, ever. I would highly recommend trying new things in the bedroom, though. Do you think you are ready to rub cannabinoids on your body? Or someone else’s? Either way. Let’s talk about lubricants for a minute.

There are thought to be three different kinds of lubricants in this world: water-based, silicone-based and oil-based. Now, what most people refer to as “cannabis lubricant” isn’t actually marketed or intended to be lube. Rather, the labels all seem to say things like “pleasure oil.”

All the herb pleasure oils I’ve met have been liquid coconut oil. So personally I’d rub them on almost anything, and if one was sold as a lubricant, it would fit into the oil-based category. For now, I think they are all referred to as pleasure oils, but I hope some company starts selling “erotic aqueous in a bottle” or “gratification liquid.” Maybe even “arousal wet stuff.”

These pleasure oils are meant to be rubbed off more than fucked off, from my experience. Both pot-infused oils and oil-based lubricants should not be used with condoms as they are not nice to them and may make the intended protection null and void. 

Nothing oil-based should be introduced to condoms if you want to be able to somewhat trust them. However, pleasure oils do go well with the birth control known as lesbianism, for the record.

I have tried some dope pleasure oil. A few times. I had fun, but I don’t think the oil made me high at all. I put the oil in lots of different places, including a little bit in my mouth. All I really know is that I was never abnormally stoned after, but someone that doesn’t live their whole life lifted might feel differently.

I’d rather not take a guess at how much pleasure oil you need to ingest before you will get high, or too high. Figuring out the math regarding milligrams of THC consumed from particular oils sounds like a task which really doesn’t turn me on. So I’ll leave consumption calculations to you and your lover.

If you put pleasure oil containing activated THC in notable quantities on something, and then you put that something in someone’s anal cavity, they might experience a staggering high. I hear the bioavailability of THC in rectal suppositories can get a bit scary, in the buzz department.

I think even if the effects of cannabis pleasure oils are totally a placebo, there is still some kind of magic that occurs when two or more people get together to use it. Also, I like that this product tends to be female-experience centric and doesn’t suggest that coitus is imperative. These products are not intended to take you directly to intercourse city. They are all about foreplay.

Depending on where you live, oils laced with cannabis might be totally illegal. There’s a good chance you would enjoy the pleasure oil, and the court case could be rather amusing, albeit expensive, but after you’ve appeared in court too many times, you might have to use the oil to hoop drugs before going to prison. 

I’d like to think there would be a good dating pool in the big house and that I could get a lot of writing done there, but who knows if they would give me a pencil and paper. Might be asking for a lot, especially if the prison is private.

Regardless of hype or the risk of doing time, “cannabis lube” is just so much fun to discuss. Even just saying those words and nothing else is amusing. I feel the same way about nipple pasties in the shape of cannabis pot leaves. Drugs and sex go well together, and we are all a bunch of perverted 14-year-olds at heart, after all. 

Main photo credit: Foria Facebook.

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