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Dear Culturalist: Give Me Clear-Headed Highs

By Onya Ganja on January 8, 2018

Dear Culturalist,
I don't smoke tons of weed, but I would like to light up during the day when I’m working from home. I just don’t know what is safe to smoke! What are good strains for clear-headed highs? I don’t want to get so high that I feel sleepy or can't concentrate. 

So you want to get lifted and stay composed, eh? Noble goal I suppose. Definitely achievable, though I am left wondering why anyone would want a thing like a clear-headed high. But whatever. Here are my top recommendations which I hope help you.

Control your cannabinoid intake.

There is probably a strain out there that can offer you what you are looking for, but even the most perfect strain could end badly if you have the wrong amount of it. The greatest chance of things going wrong is if you consume too much. For some people, far too much isn't very much at all. So proceed super slowly. Start with vaping flower and puff like you are a baby caterpillar. 

Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) gets blamed for everything undesirable, but there is such a thing as too much cannabidiol (CBD) and cannabinol (CBN), in my opinion. CBD-only strains can really make me feel like a total space cadet. Albeit that is my resting state. In other news, I have definitely missed something important after eating high-CBN edibles, like meeting my ex-girlfriend’s parents.

Or maybe the things that have thrown me off-track have been a compound we don't even know about yet. Who cares? I am so over science, why can't we all just get high and not understand why?! Also, maybe fate is just fate.

Try these strains on your day off.

A joint can go around a party and make some people roar with laughter and fill their souls with inner peace, while others break down and freak out from the same weed. You can spot the latter group by the tears welling in their eyes and their inability to respond to questions about their well-being. I trust they will be fine. Lesson is, try new strains on your day off and off the dance floor.

Several strains from CBD Crew are my ultimate productivity-inducing strains. Really, I think all my favorites are from them, at least when it comes to daytime, good-behavior strains. CBD Skunk Haze and CBD MediHaze, for example, are good picks. I'd recommend the second strain if you are not at all confident in your ability to be high during the day. 

Some really energizing strains can be a bit racy, which I don't love. Cultivars like Jack Herer are better for me when I need to be physically productive, i.e., cleaning my room productive, rather than mentally productive. Killing Fields from Sannie Seeds, Sour Tangie from DNA Genetics and Strawberry Cough from Dutch Passion are also some of my daytime favorites. 

But my all-time favorite strain for getting productive, whether with my mind or body, is White Widow from Green House Seeds in the Netherlands. White Widow helps me feel like my best-self, which is a great motivator. I have enjoyed the pleasure White Widow has to offer for probably more than a decade now. I consider us good buds.

Don't smoke mystery weed in mysterious ways.

When it comes to almost anything you do with weed, my advice is to simply smoke more. Too high at a party? Smoke more and maybe nap in the coat room. Too high to make your burlesque costume? Smoke more. Somehow that will solve the problem. Or you will forget it exists. Honestly, who cares?

Also, if you smoke any strain enough, you will know the range of ways it can make you feel, and when you look at it, you'll be like, "Oh yeah, that's a good strain for writing." Or you’ll be like, "That strain always makes me stare at morning glories for hours, which isn't super productive."

Do not inhale something you have never inhaled before when you have something super important to do. Or, be like one of my best friends forever and smoke several mystery bongs before you go to see your grandma and defend your PhD thesis. Either way, if you are not confident in your ability to smoke something and do anything, you're just not there yet, and that’s okay.

Eating edibles when you have a job to do can be a fine art. For now, I would not recommend switching to edibles, vaping, dabbing or smoking hash out of a teapot, or anything else new, if you have looming deadlines. Stick with what you know when you have shit to do.

Realize you can do it high.

Do not forget it is probably possible to be brainy and clever while scattered and baked. What is definitely possible is to cultivate your attitude so you cease giving a cluck about what other people think. Know what I mean? Many are concerned with appearing sensible to their coworkers. You probably don’t anyways, so stop worrying about what other people think and get lifted anytime you would like. (As long as you don't get messed-up, drive and potentially ruin your life.)

Lots of people want to be lucid for their jobs, but I really feel this is the wrong approach. The key is to be super stoned from the very first day on. That way, everyone will assume your resting state is elevated and your eyelids are naturally half-way closed.

Also, part of achieving clear-headed highs is finding the part of your brain that is always sober and learning to access it when you are super not-sober. This comes with practicing the art of altering your consciousness. So start inhaling and start practicing. Or do a bunch of acid and fast-track the learning process.

I think you can be three sheets to the wind on weed and remain highly productive, but if you don’t feel that is true for you, it probably isn't yet. Just know, with time, you can learn to wake-n-bake and work three jobs and pursue whatever pursuits tickle your fancy. I'm living proof.

Just drink coffee instead.

If my previous suggestion was a horrifying prospect to you, I think you need to consider that you may not actually want to be high on The Devil’s Lettuce. There are other drugs out there, you know? Caffeine, for example. 

Wanting to get things done instead of going on a trip is a fair-enough goal. Dazed and Confused is a great movie title but not what you want to be on the job. In all honesty, though, if you want a clear-headed high, consider drinking a coffee, or a Dr. Pepper, and leave the weed to me to smoke. All day. Every day.

Also, if you want to be totally with-it, get a good night's sleep and have some tea in the morning before you face the world with your sober clear mind. Monster.

The irony is that I am submitting this column past-due and vaped all the wrong kinds of weed the entire time I wrote it. At one point, I found myself eating linguine in the kitchen with one slipper on and had no idea how I got there. So, consider everything I have said but also who I am.

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