Dear Culturalist: Is It a Bad Idea to Date a Cop?

By Onya Ganja on March 27, 2017

Dear Culturalist,
I like a police officer. Is it bad to date him?

So you want to sleep with the man, but you're worried it might be “bad,” eh? Bad can mean a lot of different things. Do I think it might be harmful? Maybe. Do I think it might be a dreadful decision? Possibly. Do I think it is immoral? Not unless you are getting with him for revenge purposes, behind your gang’s back or one of you is married.

In general we can surmise that dating cops is acceptable behavior in western society because lots of people do it. The fact you are writing me alerts me to the fact this might be a careless decision for you personally. We can figure that out together though.

You need to consider what kind of cop he is and what kind of civilian you are in order to assess how really unwise of a decision dating this policeman might be. So let’s think about what kind of citizen you are. Are you the leader of an organized crime syndicate? Or even a part of one? If you answer yes or maybe, getting romantic with an officer is definitely not a great idea, probably not even a good one.

There’s a chance you could be a narc and that’s how you met this officer in the first place. If you are nodding yes to this, you’ve already gotten entangled with the arm of the law in a much more serious way than sex. So you might as well get laid.

Maybe you are not a rat or involved in gang life, but if you are writing me out of all the advice columnists in the world, I assume you break at least some laws. Which laws do you break? Are we talking felonies? Could you do two years plus a day? If so, a police officer is quite likely an unsuitable suitor.

All town and cities have a slightly different policing culture, as do the different states. What laws are enforced from place to place vary. Try to understand all of the laws you might be breaking and how they’ve been evolving and enforced in your area over the years. 

Maybe cannabis is legal in your state and your crush is a local beat cop who smokes more than you do. And maybe your cute copper will have super good weed in addition to getting tipped-off if the feds are going to crack-down in your area. Sounds to me like romance with fringe benefits in that case.

Surely law-abiding commoners can date police officers without ending up in jail. Unless the cop is very crooked. Which brings us to ponder what kind of badge you have found yourself attracted to in this scenario. Not all cops are created equal, not even the dirty or clean ones. Rank changes their dynamic with the world a bit, too.

Is the lawman a constable, deputy, marshal, trooper, meter maid, sergeant or sheriff? Or is he a detective, or just a plain old dick? If they are a Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) agent and you do drugs, going home with them is probably not the best decision you could make. Whatever kind of law enforcement agent they are, you need to ask yourself if you are ready for the heat they might bring. The agent might say he's okay with anything when dating, but if you break up, watch out. 

Even if the man you have your eye on lives with a working K-9 who can tell when you have three joints hidden in your hair, you probably want to resist this potential mate. Dogs that can sniff out narcotics and work for the law probably shouldn’t be welcomed into your home if you love drugs. Unless you only adore legal ones.

I’m from a place where the retired police chief dressed up as a KKK member for the community Halloween party, but even I know there are good cops out there. A law enforcer can be unlawful, but they can also be in the profession for the right reasons. There are lots of standup cats in uniform out there, but there are lots of corrupt ones, too. 

I don’t think I can advise anyone to date a shady cop because I highly doubt their double-dealing ends at the office. If dishonesty, distance and danger sprinkled with deceit are what you're looking for, you should probably go for it anyway. Think of the nefarious plots you could get involved in together. You’d likely never be bored again.

Think about what exactly you are looking for from this dude and consider what kind of dater you are. There is a big difference between sleeping with someone, dating them and wading into a full-blown relationship. I myself tend to have very short relationships that typically end in me crawling out of their bedroom window when they call me babe one too many times. That in combination with my affinity for soft drugs means I probably shouldn’t date a cop.

I have no real experience being with a man of the law unless you count drug dealers that became cops after being with me. So I consulted with some experts on your behalf. One source wasn’t an expert per se, but she has taken a police officer home from the bar before. All she had to say was that he ate it like a pig at the trough. So I found another source. A solid one, too. This woman has slept with maybe nine to 12 policemen. Why she wouldn’t at least dabble in lesbians on the right side of the law is beyond me.

Nonetheless, my informant is an authority on getting down with a lawman and advised me that you might want to sleep with a cop even if just for the novelty, but you probably don’t want a relationship with one. She said officers often cheat and violate other rules of romance because they tend to be meatheads who have a very real sense that they could die any day. Which lends well to them being utterly selfish and impulsive.

As I mentioned previously, a job cannot define someone or their character decidedly. Every cop is going to be a bit different, but there is a solid chance that more alpha-males are drawn to wearing a badge than, say, becoming an expressive dance teacher.

The only thing I know for certain is two-fold: I have terrible taste in men, just horrific, and I have an uncontrollable urge to hit on every police officer I see. Definitely not a good sign. My romantic impulses are highly problematic and should be a cautionary signal to all the women of the world.

In summation, if the cop is cool and smokes more weed than you do, you should consider going back to his place. Keep your wits about you while enjoying this highly debatable choice to the fullest, and watch for signs of alpha-male posturing. 

Photo credits: Tumblr and Instagram

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