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Dear Culturalist: Tips for a Lit Valentine's Day

By Onya Ganja on February 18, 2019

Dear Culturalist,
I really want this Valentine’s Day to be special. What products would you recommend to help make the most of the night?

I will make some product recommendations just to get you off my back, but do note I think a little love, time and planning are the true keys to making a special night. Also, if I recommend anything you already purchase or indulge in regularly, consider that suggestion null and void. Having something out of the ordinary is what will create a night to remember, or forget, with fondness.

Having literally no expectations is the best way to make the most of any day, and whether you want to spend Valentine’s Day loving yourself, someone else, or a group of people, my suggestions are the same. Many little things can lead to big romance, and, for the record, you can actually be romantic with just yourself.

A comfortable lovely evening is something defined differently by everyone: cozy and decadent or leather and lube, whatever you’re into. You do not need anyone else. There is a strap-on for every occasion, even if the occasion is just you walking around in heels.

Music is powerful. Films with shitty soundtracks are shit. Same goes for real life. The right music can make any night memorable or utterly unforgettable. Make yourself a Valentine’s Day playlist perfect for lying around and smoking weed. Or if you just want to Netflix and cuddle like sloths, pre-pick some choices to watch. Nothing ruins a buzz like scrolling through titles endlessly.

Aching for something more creative? I think art supplies are always worth spending money on. Whether on your own or with buds with benefits or besties, creating art together can offer memories and weird art to cherish forever. Kits with everything you need to get creative are common place, but the weird stuff you will draw will be truly unique.

Consider getting your hands dirty. I’m talking gardening. Cannabis or San Pedro would be ideal, but growing something, even some herbs like basil or rosemary, is a great way to spend time while also increasing your access to aromatic hydrocarbons or simply pretty flowers. You can be lazy and buy a little kit, like this one from Barnes & Noble for poppies.

Plants and art are great, but I get they are not for everyone, so I will also highly recommend some classic and wonderful products: good weed, pot-infused bath bombs and chocolate. Do not get $100 worth of cheap chocolate! Get the good stuff, like a “Birch Branch” from SOMA. Though eating a bag of chocolate chips will do in a pinch, this is not the day for such shameful nibbling. Same goes for the weed. Find the best chocolate and weed in the world, and put them in your mouth, or someone else’s.

In the pot chocolate department, if you are ready to swallow but are not prepared for a THC-fueled euphoric high, check out Om Edibles CBD Raw Cacao. The Whoopi & Maya line offers Raw Cacao with THC, too.

Not into the raw stuff? Well, if you truly do not have the energy to make your own infused sweets, embrace the convenience of buying. Kiva Confections is another brand offering infused and chocolatey treats. Their chocolate bars have been around for a minute! They even have tangerine chocolate. Yum.

I would never recommend picking up some random shifty-looking edible or bath product from a dispensary you have never been to before. Go for products from a company that has been around for a while and is trusted and loved by the community, like Om Edibles. In addition to the Raw Cacao products, this company offers some lovely cannabis-infused epsom salts and bath and body oils. Whoopi & Maya also offer a Cannabis Lavender Bath Soak.

I have never heard of weed bath and body products getting someone high, but there is really something so soothing about even just the thought of bathing in cannabis. So I am fairly confident there is no chance of going overboard when it comes to bathing in cannabinoids, a theory which I have thoroughly tested with hundreds and hundreds of milligrams of THC. You might feel relaxed, but if you are human, you will not feel high.

If you are still too nervous to bathe in herb, I have no idea why you are reading my column, and you should know LUSH came out with a funny and sexual emoji line of V-Day products, like eggplant bath bombs. Women, men and others should just avoid any temptation produced by the shape of this bathing-only product. Something about bath bombs releasing colors into my tub makes me think of radiation-tainted lakes in distant countries. Ah, so relaxing.

Now back to drugs. If you always buy good weed, make it special by buying a bouquet of weed still on the branches, like a bouquet of greenery from Lowell Herb Co. Or, you could make your own if you grow. You could even add edible flowers that you source locally, like lavender, which I have actually smoked before. For the record.

Or maybe a bouquet of long-stemmed magic mushrooms? I would certainly never forget the day someone gave me psychedelics as an expression of their love. Just make sure they are the right mushrooms. I have eaten the wrong ones, and even though I did end up with roses that evening for some likely strange and definitely unknown reason, projectile vomiting is rarely romantic.

Other adorable DIY ideas include acid tabs that you write cute little things on, like the candy hearts that say “Be Mine.” Or getting powder-form MDMA and pressing it into hearts might be more your kind of thing. Maybe even lines of cocaine swirled into elaborate heart artwork? No. Fuck cocaine. Worst drug ever. Not really, but it is up there, and anyway hash pressed into hearts would be pretty cute and feels like a much better idea.

Well, this has unraveled into me just sharing what I clearly want for myself this Valentine’s Day. Everyone loves plants, art, drugs, chocolate and a hot bath, right? Regardless of how much weed you smoke or other drugs you do, never forget, it is the little things that really matter. Like spending time with the people you really love and care about... and rolling little hearts in the center of your joint filters.

Photo credit: Elena Kulikova.

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