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Dear Culturalist: What Are the Best Strains to Bring the Stink?

By Onya Ganja on October 6, 2017

Dear Culturalist,
I'm in a state where recreational weed is legal, but my neighbor keeps complaining about the smell. What are the strains with the worst aromas? I want to smoke them and make him gag. 

Weed might be legal where you are, but that doesn’t mean other fun stuff like annoying your neighbors is! Also, I’m from a place where everyone owns shotguns and practices using them through various activities, including but not limited to shooting street signs (see photo below). Thus, I don’t take topics related to neighbors feuding lightly. 

My first introduction to my first country neighbor was him saying, “If you want to be a good neighbor, I’ll be a good neighbor, and if you want to be a bad neighbor, I’ll be the worst neighbor you’ll ever have.”

So yeah, that’s how people introduce themselves out in these parts. His point was taken, and my point is, there are some neighbors you just shouldn’t fuck with. Obviously I shouldn’t fuck with mine, are you certain you should fuck with yours, even if it is legal? 

Furthermore, there are some other things you should consider doing to annoy your neighbor instead of smoking foul herb. I just don’t get why you are limiting yourself to stinky weed strains when you could be infuriating in a lot of different ways.

You could slingshot crushed up garlic into their ventilation system, or get a bunch of billy goats. I’ve had billy goats before. The stench of a billy goat can really ruin someone’s quality of life, and that is what you are after... right? Or you could get a 100 noisy roosters. Be creative. These options might be less plausible in the big cities, but there are lots of ways to piss off the people that you sleep near every night. Get my point? Don’t be dumb. 

If you would like to proceed with your plan despite what I’ve said, ask yourself if you really want the worst smelling strain, or if what you really need to find is the strongest smelling terpene profiles in the world. I think it might be the latter.

I have definitely met some strains I would describe as powerful and putrid, but what turns one stomach might turn on the next one. So it is hard to say what aroma your neighbor finds most obnoxious or off-putting. Who nose (get it?) what kind of stenches they might be into. 

Cheese strains, for example, I hate them. Sour Cheese, Blue Cheese, OG Cheese, Cheese n Chong… they always make a look of disgust bubble up into my facial expressions. Sometimes I have to assess weed strains for growers, and it has taught me there are a lot of freaks out there looking to buy weed that smells like cheese. Despite it being loathsome to me.

How I feel about cheese strains is how some people feel about strains with terpene profiles that make their aroma sour, dank or filled with notes of diesel. I could live without dank and sour, but diesel strains make me feel all kinds of wonderful, so their strange fragrance is super pleasurable to me now.

I also love me some Cat Piss, or feline urine as I like to call it. Not just because I’m a cat lady, but because it is a strain that for me has typically come with a good buzz. Some think Cat Piss is the grossest of all the gross-smelling strains, but I don’t think it is stinky enough for the neighbor-annoying task at hand. Unless you bake with it. Hint. Hint.

Skunk grown by someone who really knows what they are doing is definitely the strongest smelling devil’s lettuce I have ever met. I hear some humans don’t adore its odor. Make some Skunk edibles, and your neighbor will hate you forever!

Instead of all of this ridiculousness, you could just find the best smelling weed ever. I bet some Tangie, Strawberry Cough or Grape Lime Ricky vapor would have your neighbor curious about what the sweet and delicious scents of cannabis have to offer. Maybe they will even ask you for some. 

In summation, stinky weed is out there, but what strain is truly the most filthy smelling is a matter of opinion. On second thought, maybe that new Grandpa’s Breath strain is as objectively gross as I hear... but it doesn’t mean you should give stoners a bad reputation by annoying your neighbor with it. 

I think you should find the strain that makes you feel at peace or search for the scentless strain that could magically waft into your neighbor’s house and make your complaining neighbor a more bearable person. Or something as sweet as Banana Kush that could perhaps seduce them into the stoner lifestyle.

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