Tinder, Bumble, Raya, Hinge, Happn, Dabble, Match.com, not to mention an app with the audacity to call itself Coffee Meets Bagel, the endless possibilities (at once vaguely promising and deeply foreboding) of Instagram DMs, and finally, the lowest form of communication known to man, Facebook messenger: Dating apps and virtual flirting are so common and popular that STDs are increasing at rapid rates, not to put a damper on anything. The point is, if you’re going to meet people like this, you need to come prepared. Here’s your survival kit, sans stash of condoms:
1. Mophie Juice Pack Reserve iPhone6 Battery Case: Extra battery power is necessary in case you need to text for help or arrange last-minute new plans, stat.
2. Samsung Galaxy Centura Android Prepaid Phone: And if it gets really bad, you might need a backup burner phone with an entirely different number. Yeah, like a drug dealer.
3. Agent Nateur N°3 Deodorant Holi(Stick): In order to maintain the upper hand on a date, you need to not smell bad. This high-end deodorant is made with coconut oil, avocado butter, raw honey, lavender and eucalyptus to make you feel especially fresh.
4. Olas Marine Bio-Active Mouthrinse: The same goes for your breath. Inspired by the natural cleansing ability of the ocean, this mouthwash has marine bio-active ingredients and no harsh chemicals.
5. Puffco Pro 2 Vaporizer: Maintain your cool before, during and after with the help of the slim, sleek Puffco, hailed for its portability, durability and ability to offer a quick hit.
6. Burn It Lighter Case: A brushed metal lighter accessory with an aggressive yet possibly empowering message is helpful to have handy.
7. Windsor Smith Roar Suede Platform Sandals: So you want to wear heels, but you also want to be able to get the hell out of there in a hot second if it’s a total disaster? The answer is the chunky platform.
8. For Love and Lemons Cherry Sundress: Even if the date is merely mediocre, it’s always a consolation to wear something that makes you look effortless and feel pretty.
9. Westward Leaning Aviator-Style Acetate Sunglasses: In case you want to hide your eye rolls or a glazed-over expression, ultra-reflective ombré blue acetate shades will do the trick.
10. Glossier Lip Gloss: All shine and no color: If you get lucky enough to meet someone you actually want to make out with, that matte red lipstick that seemed like such a good idea when you put it on won’t get in your way.
11. Mace Brand Rhinestone Purse Model Pepper Spray: The reality is, if the dude’s a total psycho, you’ll probably want something to make his face burn. A purchase this ridiculous ought to be covered in rhinestones.
12. Alyx Rollercoaster Belt: Buckle up and hold on tight! If you haven’t already heard, Alyx is a clothing brand you need to know about.
13. Marcelo Burlon Zip Wallet: Don’t even think about pulling the “I forgot my wallet” trick. This one is just simple enough.
14. Facto Neptune Hi-Cut Sneaker: If you wear “real shoes,” you might look like you’re trying too hard. If you wear sandals, you shouldn’t have left the house. Sleek sneakers are the way to go.
15. Sansom. Slogan Hoodie: Let this phrase be a reminder: Whether this little experiments is a success or bust, you win.