There’s nothing like the mere mention of a “house party” to raise some old-fashioned suburban nostalgia. From Cher’s Suck and Blow sneak attack and Tai’s flying clog-clobber in Clueless to Frank the Tank’s short-lived moment of frat-party glory in Old School to the standard-setting toga blowout in the movie that started it all, National Lampoon’s Animal House, there are valuable lessons to keep in mind when hitting a house party. Like don’t wear satin shoes, unless you're willing to forsake them to the party gods; don’t be the first guy to lead the streaking line; and don’t listen to anyone who tells you you’re on academic probation. What you should do, aside from chanting “To-ga! TO-GA!” at the top of your lungs (don’t do that), is come prepared to save the party in case it sucks and make it even better if it’s a blast.
1. Magic Stick Black F**k Hoodie: ‘Cause things that say “fuck” are cool. No, because hooded sweatshirts are basically the most comfortable thing you can wear, and this one will make the right people talk to you and scare off the wrong ones.
2. Adidas Originals Tubular X: A pumped-up pair of kicks in monochrome black is the way to go. You don’t want to be a resentful douche if someone stomps and scuffs your pristine new white sneakers.
3. Emma Mulholland Badge Sequin Skirt: This sequin-accented skirt is so kooky, it makes for a cute conversation-starter. Pair it with a chilled-out T-shirt or crop top to keep things casual.
4. KG by Kurt Geiger Lover, Peace, & Love Slip-On Sneakers: Admittedly, these are kind of Céline knockoffs, but that’s actually a plus. Besides, you’ll want a shoe that gives you height without putting strain on your feet. Or making you look like you got lost on your way to the bottle-service lounge.
5. Moschino Lighter Holder Necklace: High-function meet high-fashion: Never lose your lighter again. Okay, you’ll probably still manage to lose your lighter, but there’s something to be said for an accessory with a very specific purpose. Let this dangle from your bag instead of wearing it as a necklace.
6. A.P.C. Sac A Dos Jamie Backpack: You ought to have something nice for stashing your 40s and whatnot, and this neutral backpack is perfectly inconspicuous.
7. Stussy Stock Lock Flask: Stow this in your pocket if you want to pre-empt the possibility of a buzz-killing lack of hard alcohol and are unwilling to share your poison.
8. Izola Drinking Games Coasters Set: In case there’s a major lull or a soberingly low turnout of people, scatter these campy coasters around and force people to play middle-school standbys like Never Have I Ever and beer pong (pingpong table not included).
9. HUF White HUF x Thrasher Bar Towel: Someone is going to end up dealing with the inevitable spilled drinks. Why not sop them up with a bar towel that’s an upgrade from the dishcloths your mom bought you?
10. Cheero Ingress Power Cube Charger: Yes, cell phone batteries eventually die, so you might as well have a mega-charger on hand. Not only does it let you charge your phone and laptop at once, if need be, it features a variety of LED lighting patterns that are easy on the eyes.
11. Fujifilm Instax Mini 8 Instant Film Camera: Of course you can snap photos on your phone, but a compact real camera is so much better for remembering the moments you won’t remember. Especially one that spits out instant prints.
12. Richardson Gold Incense Burner: All incense burners should look like dicks, don’t you think? All the better if they’re 24-karat gold-plated. If you’re the host, just make sure none of your good-for-nothing guests swipe this little gem.
13. Richardson x Kumba Incense: Now that you’ve gone high-end (and unabashedly phallic) with your burner, you’d might as well get Richardson’s coordinating sticks.
14. Liquid Sci Glass Cereal Box Themed Rigs: Forget the old-school bong, also a house party classic. Nostalgia meets dabbing with these rigs inspired by fun-size boxes of your favorite kids’ cereals.