While we won’t officially decree 2016 the worst year ever, it’s safe to say no year in recent memory has gotten such a bad rap, and for good reason. (Merriam-Webster elected “surreal” as the word of the year.) Now it’s over, and 2017 is off with a bang. A big, wince-inducing bang in the form of something called Donald J. Trump. How to prepare? Denial is easily the most appealing route at this point, but for those who don’t want to fade into oblivion, let’s face this year head on by, like, buying shit. Let’s make America just okay again!
1. Billionaire Boys Club Emblem Mug: Here’s a mug with a message that’s especially important to remember right about now. Although, pocket wealth certainly doesn’t hurt.
2. Imperial Toy Nemesis Wrist Launcher: We’re not recommending you start blasting water bombs at people who deserve it. We’re also not not recommending it.
3. Smythson Novel Ideas Premier Notebook: Jot down all your “novel ideas” for 2017–like running for president in the future. Hey, you never know.
4. Birchrose & Co. Body Scrub in Coffee + Peppermint: Slough away all those bad vibes with this blend of energy-boosting coffee beans and invigorating peppermint.
5. Visvim Subsection Room Spray No. 7 Kyoto: You might not be able to cleanse the bad mood permeating the air, but you can at least make your space smell nice, like with this sandalwood-based room spray.
6. CLOT x Eric Elms Salvation Pullover Hoodie: We could all use some salvation right about now. This collaboration between the Hong Kong-based streetwear brand and creative mind Eric Elms will keep you warm during a cold time.
7. Undefeated x Mophie Powerstation Plus Mini: Keep your phone charged with 12 hours of power if, for some strange reason, you want to stay connected to the outside world.
8. Zippo Oil Slick Lighter: It’s always good to have a lighter on hand in case you need to light something on fire. The likelihood of that has just increased by a substantial percentage. Besides, this oil-slick effect looks cool.
9. Kidrobot Andy Warhol Medium Plush Revolver: Andy Warhol completed his “Guns” series after Valerie Solanas almost fatally shot him. So think of this pillow recreation as more of an anti-gun statement.
10. B&O Play BeoPlay a1 Portable Bluetooth Speaker: Block out the noise by blasting some of your own choosing. Bonus points for electing an insurgent mix.
11. Amaznfx Donald Trump Butt Plug: This must-have 3D-printed item is self-explanatory, no caption required. Although, you might want to know it features “a coarse finish and a delicate feel.”
12. Supreme x Hanes Boxer Briefs: Fresh underwear always helps. It’s the little things in life, right?
13. Suicidal Tendencies World Gone Mad Long-Sleeve Tee: Wear one thing that says it all. Needless to say the world has, indeed, gone mad.