Let me just preface this by mentioning that each time I pulled this sleek, white vape out of my purse or fanny pack, every single person in the vicinity wanted to know what it was. “Is that a tampon?” one dude asked me. “A sex toy?” another inquired. “A miniature rocket?” Ok, now you’re just being silly. It’s a vape—a disposable, pre-dosed medical marijuana vape with some super dope features I haven’t seen before.
This tiny pen by hmbldt fits in your hand from about the palm to the mid-middle finger. It’s made from medical-grade plastics, and it’s got a cute little window at the mouthpiece that displays the super-clear oil in it, equipped with an air bubble that floats up and down letting you know the concoction is solvent-free. My favorite part about this pen is the vibration that delivers 2.25mg over a three-second dose indicating that you’ve inhaled enough. Yeah, they pre-dose it out so you get just the right amount of medicine each time. I’ve never had a pen vibrate like that before! Guys, we are in the future! Each pen will net you 200 doses, and if you hit it three times as recommended, you’ll get over 60 sessions with it.
Now, disposable pens can hurt your heart because they feel wasteful, but these bad boys are recyclable. The company even has drop boxes anywhere you can buy the hmbldt pens, and you will get a $5 coupon off your next pen for doing so. Don’t you just love the peace-love-harmony vibes of the cannabis community? The creator of the formulas, chief science officer Samantha Miller (yay, girl power), is a scientist who gives endocannabinoid seminars regularly, so you know that a smarty pants was the brains behind this inventive medicinal tool. That’s also how you know it’ll be clean and exactly the same, time after time. Consistency is a problem in the cannabis community, as I’ve harped on before, but hmbldt seems to be doing it right. Plus, the attention to terpene profiles is heart-warming and great planning on their part as we move further away from “indica vs sativa” and concentrate more on developing formulas that offer the terpenes we need.
The hmbldt pen comes in four flavors: Calm, Relief, Sleep and Bliss. I had the Bliss pen, ignorant of the existence of the other formulas and thinking it was only a name. Three hits later, my fiance and I are smiling at each other like idiots while we binge-watch episode after episode of a new Netflix show. I wasn’t sleepy, nor was I energetic, but hot damn I felt happy. In this day and age, that’s a marvel in and of itself.
The company says they are working on a dose spray and a rechargeable pen, so we have those to look forward to in the near future. Personally, I’m going to try the Calm pen next (a CBD formula with a 15:1 ratio of CBD to THC) and then Sleep (at 8:1 THC to CBD, I’ve heard it’s so powerful you only need one hit). Wish I had the Sleep pen now as it’s 3 a.m., and I’m up writing about cannabis when I should be sleeping and dreaming about cannabis. Get this pen, any of its formulas, because it is 100 percent going to take over the medicinal world. hmbldt vapes retail for $100.
Adrienne Airhart is a Los Angeles-based comedian. Follow her @craydrienne.