With Hot Girl Summer now a distant memory, and Thotumn officially upon us, we are required by custom to engage in the annual tradition of pontificating about Halloween costume ideas. You, dear reader, need only concern yourself with conceiving of and procuring one or two outfits, depending on the intensity of your plans. In the ghoulish world of media, however, each new Halloween requires writers to plumb into scarier depths of our own psyches to come up with a novel take on Halloween costume content, preferably one where the theme is effortlessly pegged to the zeitgeist. At laptops around the globe, writers throw darts at walls of pop culture note cards and peck away at their keyboards, desperately churning out soulless pieces on DIY Stranger Things costumes or how to own the libs by dressing as that smirking Covington Catholic kid when attending your next hipster party.

Fortunately, the following article is nothing like those examples.

To help get your stoney asses in the holiday mood, here are some topical cannabis-themed costume ideas that you’ll probably have a mild chuckle about, but never actually use. Instead, you will settle at the last minute, yet again, on being a pirate or a cat.

College Kamala Harris

Though Harris’ anachronistic gaffe about smoking cannabis while listening to Snoop and Tupac in college may have been massaged into less of a scandal, the controversy created by that moment still provides decent fodder for a costume. Throw on a Howard University sweater, tie a bandana backwards around your head a la 2Pac and spark up. For the record, PRØHBTD is explicitly against blackface, so proceed with caution/restraint.

Weedfluencer

By now, we all know what a social media influencer is, but did you know there are now people who look, dress and act exactly like them, but also smoke cannabis? They’re called “weedfluencers,” and they exist primarily to serve as eye candy sprinkled throughout LA’s cannabis industry parties. This is an incredibly easy outfit to pull off. Just dress up like you’re headed off to Coachella (weekend one, duh) and accessorize with a pot leaf necklace or earrings. Voila! You now have 80,000 Instagram followers.

Vape Death

In the wake of some illicit vape fluid resulting in a handful of deaths, Donald Trump recently proposed cracking down on flavored vapes. This sudden concern for health rings a bit hollow, of course, given that more children have died at immigration detention centers than from vaping, and America loses 130 of its own citizens to the opioid epidemic every day. But anyway, make yourself a big cardboard Juul costume, paint it black, wear a skull mask and carry a scythe. People will get it.

Bradley Nowell from Sublime

Haven’t you heard? Sublime is cool again. They’re calling it The Sublimaissance. To properly honor the stoner So-Cal ska rockers who gave us their timeless take on The Toyes’ “Smoke Two Joints” and mainstream hits like “Santeria,” go as the band’s late front man Bradley Nowell. Bleach your hair blond and have someone Sharpie that sun tattoo on your back, and you’re all set for the backyard kickback Halloween parties.

The Beach Bum

Moondog, the titular bum from Harmony Korine’s latest masterpiece, is a modern day The Dude who exemplifies Florida Key weirdness and the virtues of wanting to just chill and have fun. He’s also a cross-dressing icon. Put on a wig, captain’s hat and loud-patterned dress or short and shirt combo and hit the streets collecting friends wherever you go.

Laganja Estranja

It took some time, but the cannabis industry has finally started acknowledging the LGBTQ+ community. To celebrate Pride month, Kiva Confections designated Ru Paul’s Drag Race alum Laganja Estranja as a brand ambassador of sorts and donated $30,000 to LGBTQ+ charities of Estranja’s choosing. If you’re looking for a canna-costume on the bolder side this October, may we suggest emulating Laganja’s lewks. Just be careful with those death drops while under the influence.

CBD

No cannabis derivative has had a bigger 2019 than cannabidiol. The Gallant to THC’s Goofus, CBD’s nationwide legality has allowed small and large canna-businesses alike to peddle every conceivable product infused with the stuff. And while CBD has undoubtedly eased the pain, anxiety and seizures of many users, it’s lately been touted as something of a panacea, and the regulators have yet to crack down on this type of promotion. For this costume, you’re gonna want to first dress as a giant pot leaf, but then put on a big white lab coat and nerdy glasses. Keep a dour look on your face all night for optimum effect.

CBD Burger

Carl’s Jr. did this 4/20 stunt where they briefly sold a CBD burger, which… fine, whatever. But wouldn’t it be kind of hilarious, in a Norm Macdonald anti-comedy way, to dress as a plain cheeseburger for Halloween and then tell people you’re actually the Carl’s Jr. CBD burger. Then they’ll ask why you don’t have any accessories that signify that extra element, and you’ll reply that that’s absurd because CBD doesn’t get you high. Ok, I might be alone on this.

Photo by Elena Kulikova

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